Missing

Ann Brandenburg-Schroeder, DVM

The most difficult of all losses may be the disappearance of one we love. This is true whether it is a person MIA in wartime or a pet who becomes lost or is stolen. They are gone without a trace; we are left behind filled with uncertainty, doubt and hurt.

Often our sense of loss is compounded by guilt surrounding the circumstances of the disappearance. We might have left the gate unlatched or removed the collar with the ID tags only the day before.

Death gives us permission to grieve. When we don't know what has happened or where our pet may be, we instinctively hold out hope. Our energy is directed toward trying to find the one we've lost.

We search, put up signs, place newspaper ads, call animal control and local shelters. We call veterinary clinics, emergency hospitals, and contact pet-finder services. We search. We hope. And we wait.

We find it difficult to begin the work of grieving. Giving up hope seems like a betrayal. As long as we cannot work through our grief, closure will elude us.

At times like this, an act of memorializing may be most helpful. A tribute or private ceremony appropriate to the animal's memory can affirm the strength of the bond while helping to acknowledge the change that has taken place.

Memorializing is very personal. It may involve writing, singing, painting, planting, laughing, crying, storytelling, picture-framing, volunteering time or making donations to worthy pet causes. Memorializing is making a concrete step, the first step on a path of healing.

This article is courtesy of the Pet Loss Support Group of the Denver Area Veterinary Medical.